Tuesday, 1 October 2019

Couple Money Expectations: How do you and your spouse/partner match up?

  Posted at  October 01, 2019 No comments












Recently, KC went from singlehood into a new relationship and realised that my spending started to rise inevitably because of the dating phase and frequency of dates. (Maybe that's why I also have not blogged in a month due to less time! 😆) Maybe it was that I felt the need to impress my date. Maybe we ended up trying to use money to impress one another, showering each other with gifts, meals and etc.

Then, into the 3rd month of dating, she said: "Dear, when we go out to eat, can we don't eat too ex(pensive) food? I need to cut down my budget on spending."

In my heart I went "YESSSSS AHHHHHHH". A girlfriend/wife who know how to save money for you will make you rich 😆. I guess we have been trying to "calibrate" a baseline for spending and we found out we were both overspending compared to when we were single. Money perspective is actually a crucial topic given that more than 36% of divorce cases in the US is due to financial reasons (other leading causes being conflict, infidelity, commitment issues)

In our traditional Chinese culture, there is something called "三观" (3 Major perspectives towards life) and there is something called "三观不合”. (Incompatibility on 3 major perspectives) What are these 3 major perspectives?

三观 3 Major Perspectives

1. 人生观 (Outlook Towards Life): 人生观是人这辈子应该怎么活

How should we live our lives, what is the aim and attitudes we hold? How should one conduct their own personal lives such that life is meaningful? What are the things you and your spouse appreciate in life and what are you guys pursuing? What is the moral compass you live your life by? If you are your spouse's expectations towards life is too different, it inevitably affects communication because you will not be able to understand some of the decisions your spouse make and much less support them. A couple without an outlook that involves one another and see each other in their future is bound to fail.

2. 价值观 (Value system): 价值观是人这辈子什么才是最珍贵的

What is of value to you (in terms of people relationships, possessions, character values)? Monetary perspectives fall straight into this category. Why is money such a good yardstick to find out where our true loyalties and our vices are? This is because we often use money to exchange for something we feel is valuable in life. If you are your spouse differ alot on money, the things you two value will be very different and this inevitably leads to differences down the road. The other things we consider in this may be relationships with other people (and therefore we spend time and effort on them). 

3. 世界观 (Worldview): 一个人对整个世界的根本看法

An understanding of the intricate relationship of how we fit into a larger world and how the world came to be. Often, it can mean philosophical, religious, fundamental, existential ideas that are imparted to us and influence us depending on what cultures and upbringing we have been exposed to. 

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It is okay to not match 100% with your spouse. 

To me, money perspective, importance of Family and personal character (good temperament), and personal values are extremely important. However, it is unrealistic to expect that we are 100% match with our spouse. The best scenario we can have is someone who fits most of our own personal values without triggering any dealbreakers. (e.g. one dealbreaker is I cannot stand someone with bad temper who would scold their own parents unreasonably. Can I expect him/her to scold my parents in future? Another example could be a mismatch in money perspectives. I might be only looking to spend within means but he/she wants to spend and get the best out there, even if it might stretch finances)

What do we do if we are incompatible?

What do we do if we are supposedly incompatible? Instead of focusing on differences, FOCUS ON COMMON GROUND. Find out how each other think and appreciate where they are coming from instead of always insisting our own way. Communication is key in coming to a common ground and compromise sometimes.

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How do you and your spouse manage your finances? Are there any major differences in how you approach money? How did you resolve them?

Given the high cost of living and starting a family in Singapore, this is a topic we have to face sooner rather than later.

Until Next Time,

K.C.
If you like this post, you might like our facebook page as well. I'm also on Investing Note.

7. Why I refuse to spend >15-30 minutes budgeting each month

Disclaimer: The views expressed, opinion and information in this article are strictly for informational purposes to encourage educational discussions only. It is important to conduct your own analysis before making any investment decisions based on your own personal circumstances. You should take reasonable measures such as seeking independent financial advice from professionals and/or independently research and verify the information that you find on "30 Year Old Investor" before undertaking any important investment decisions. No content on this site constitutes - or should be understood as constituting - a recommendation to enter any securities transactions or to engage in any of the investment strategies presented in our site content. We do not provide personalised recommendations or views as to whether a particular stock or investment approach is suitable to the financial needs of a specific individual. No representation or warranty expressed or implied is made as to, and no reliance shall be placed on, the fairness, accuracy, completeness or correctness of the information or opinions contained on this website. "30 Year Old Investor" shall not be liable whatsoever for loss or damages of any kind arising from the result of any use, reliance or distribution of the articles or its contents from information contained on this website. 

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You don't need to pay anyone/company to have a plan of your own and work towards achieving Financial Independence. Only we alone have no conflict of interest with our own money. "30 Year Old Investor" is a personal blog about a Singaporean's savings and investing journey.


Being the average Singaporean, K.C. is also interested in good food, a little bit of politics and a good slice of humour.

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Disclaimer

Disclaimer: The views expressed, opinion and information in this article are strictly for informational purposes to encourage educational discussions only. It is important to conduct your own analysis before making any investment decisions based on your own personal circumstances. You should take reasonable measures such as seeking independent financial advice from professionals and/or independently research and verify the information that you find on "30 Year Old Investor" before undertaking any important investment decisions.

No content on this site constitutes - or should be understood as constituting - a recommendation to enter any securities transactions or to engage in any of the investment strategies presented in our site content. We do not provide personalised recommendations or views as to whether a particular stock or investment approach is suitable to the financial needs of a specific individual. No representation or warranty expressed or implied is made as to, and no reliance shall be placed on, the fairness, accuracy, completeness or correctness of the information or opinions contained on this website.

"30 Year Old Investor" shall not be liable whatsoever for loss or damages of any kind arising from the result of any use, reliance or distribution of the articles or its contents from information contained on this website.

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